10 (no wait, 11) COMMANDMENTS OF MOVIE GOING

We all love going to the movies, right? Right! You go there, pay $ to see a flick and you expect to get your money's worth, right? RIGHT! But there are several nuisances...No, I'm not talking about the skyhigh prices of tickets ($10 here-I'm sure those of you in other parts of the country pay more). Nor am I talking about the countless previews...And what about the 'commercials' before the actual previews? Hey if we want to see commercials, we can go back home and watch TV....But I'm digressing

What I'm talking about are the little things that irk us while we are actually watching the movie-So I present to you a list titled (drum roll please)

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF MOVIE GOING

1. THOU SHALT NOT USE CELL PHONES
- You know that little advertisement at the end of the previews that asks you to silence all cell phones and pagers? Pay attention to it! Put it on vibrate, please! And if it does accidentally go off, please PLEASE leave the theater to answer the call....If you don't, the other movie goers should be given permission to throw popcorn at you or beat you senseless....(Ask me about the time when I went to the movies and some yutz sat in his seat while talking super loud on his phone;prompting myself and the elderly couple sitting next to me wanting to dump our drinks on his head)

2. THOU SHALT SILENCE YOUR LITTLE DARLINGS.
-This is the commandment that I probably will get a lot of flack for from those of you that are parents...Please don't kill me).I'm talking about kids in movie theaters.....OK, in a G-rated movie this is boudn to happen. But in a PG-13 or R rated movie? OK, first of all, if they are not old enough, why do people even bother to bring their kids to an R-rated movie? But anyhoo, the younger the kid, the worse it is...And the louder they are, the worse and more annoying it is...Other movie goers should be given permission to beat the parents (of the little banshees) who do nothing to suppress the loudness. Kudos to those that do, i.e. take their kids out of the theater,etc.

3. THOU SHALT WEAR SHOES
- We all like to put our feet up....literally. Just wear shoes...just do it. We would like to enjoy our concessions. Not want to hurl it back up b.c. some yutz wanted to rest his sweaty-sock-smells-like-your-dog covered feet (again, happened to yours truly).

4. THOU SHALT NOT TEXT...
-Kind of along the same lines of #1 but still...doesn't need much explanation, right?

5. THOU SHALT NOT EXERCISE
-...your legs I mean. This is why I think movie theaters should have leg restraints....for people who feel they MUST kick the seat in front of them...continuously...nonstop..for 90 minutes...(or however long the movie is). Yeah, leg restraints.

6.THOU SHALT SHOWER
-If you must come to the movies straight from the gym, then shower first...Or other movie goers should be given the right to throw up on you b.c. they can't supprees the smell. Or hand you deodarant, spray perfume on you, give you directions to the nearest Bath & Body Works,etc.

7. THOU SHALT NOT SMACK FOOD
-doesn't need much explanation. Just if this happens, other movie goers should ask 'Well, was it delicious?'. Oh yeah, and burping...Say excuse me please...Didn't your mom teach you any manners?

8. THOU SHALT ARRIVE ON TIME
-.These people are called stragglers...Get a watch people, or read the movie listings in the paper (or online)....You know these people? You see them out of the corner of your eye, strutting into the theater 10 minutes into the movie, standing at the entrance, eyes wandering aimlessly for some seats, or their friends who actually had the decency to show up on time....And what's also annoying is when their friends actually happen to be sitting next to you and thus friends feel the need to stand up and wave their arms wildly signalling to their 'watch-deprived' friend where they are sitting.....(I would say the theaters should be locked once the movie starts; but there's the whole fire hazard thing, and the fact that people do have to get up to go to the bathroom or get more snacks)

9. THOU SHALT BE HEALTHY
-if you are not well enough to leave your house, then you are certainly not well enough to watch a movie....If you are sneezing, have a hacking cough, or are vomiting (trust me, I along with my late grandma had to experience this during a movie outing about 10 years ago), you need to leave th emovie theater...

10. THOU SHALT NOT TALK TO THE MOVIE SCREEN AS IF YOU WERE AT HOME/THOU SHALT SHUT YOUR YAPPER...You know that advertisement seen at the end of the previews that says 'Please don't spoil the movie by adding your own soundtrack'...That says it all. Wait til the movie is on TV or on DVD if you feel the need to give your own commentary.

11. THOU SHALT GET A ROOM
-Arms around each others shoulders..that's good..Cuddling up to each other? Sure, knock yourself out. A little smoochy-woochy? Heck, why not? But if your amorous activity makes more noise than what's on screen; or it causes you to get kicked out of the theater...then perhpas you should stay home and do...stuff..there.

Well, there you have it...my COMMANDMENTS OF MOVIE GOING! Read, enjoy, and, most importantly, Follow!