WHEN IT HAPPENS, IT HAPPENS

Blogs. Why do people have them? To give their thoughts on what they see in their lives and those of others.

So why do I, Val, have one? To spill my guts. And boy, do I ever! Like this blog title says, I can be one emotional gut-spiller. This entry is going to be one of (probably) many of the emotional gut-spilling kind. If you're gonna read this blog on a regular basis, let that be a warning to you.

So on to the emotional vomitage.

In the past three months, it seems every week one of my friends, family members,etc has announced one of the following: 'I AM ENGAGED', 'I AM PREGNANT', 'TODAY I WELCOMED INTO THE WORLD A LITTLE BUNDLE OF JOY'. I'm nowhere NEAR any of those things. I don't have a man, boyfriend, sigother so therefore will not be expecting a rock on my finger in the near future. And, given that situation, probably wont' be breeding anytime soon either.

Am I jealous? I try not to be. I have to admit, occasionally when one of those things happen to those around me, I say 'NOT FAIR!' or 'WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE MY TURN?'. Then I quickly tell myself and the green monster inside of me that 'WHEN IT HAPPENS, IT HAPPENS'.

Do I want to have a man in my life? Yes, but like I said 'WHEN IT HAPPENS, IT HAPPENS'. I've been burned so many times by a dude that I am a little scared to tell a guy I am interested in that I really want to go forth and have relations with him (both emotional and not). (Am I going throught this right now, you ask? Perhaps, but we won't get into that). And given that I have not one, but 2 jobs (one in a call center for an auto loan company-a job that I HATE with a burning passion, and that's all I'll say about it; and another in a bookstore, which I do LOVE WITH A BURNING PASSION-no lie), that kind of puts a damper on the situation. I'm so busy working that I've forgotten to take time out and find a mate.

I've made somewhat of an effort recently to improve this. I try to venture out in public as much as I can: Recently put myself on an email list for two diffrent sports leagues here in Dallas, for example. And I might take a cooking class or two (I live within walking distance of Central Market in Dallas-which has some interesting looking ones, but they are on nights or times that I am not available). Dance class perhaps (channeling my inner 9 year old-took ballet and tap around that age, btw)...Two places you will NOT see me on a regular basis? One is a bar...I live a few miles from Lower Greenville which has TONS of them. But, if you know me, I'm not much of a drinker so that wouldn't suit me. Second, and this may disappoint some of you, is a church's single group. My philosophy on this? BEEN THERE DONE THAT. Mostly by the urging of my mother. She is WAAAY more religious than me (side note: I am a Catholic but not devout; I was in my teens and 20s but not so much anymore-that's a story for another blog)...Sorry to semi-trash talk on her, but she feels that is the ONLY place I should meet a mate. I've been a parishioner of 4 different churches since I graduated college (one in Plano, 3 in Dalllas-currently I attend Holy Trinity on Oak Lawn-across the street from the offices of the Diocese of Dallas)...Tried to go to singles events at pretty much all of them.. One group (which I will not name)? Anytime I called or emailed someone hosting an event, I would NEVER get a response. And anytime I did? Almost felt clique-y. And if I wanted to be around a clique environment, I would go back to junior high or high school. Why would I waste my time on people who had no interest in getting to know me? I've presented this line of defense to my mother and she's not as understanding as I would think. (but that's another blog that I may or may not write in the future).

I'll move on...you've heard the phrase, first come love, then comes marriage, right? Right..True, I would like to be betrothed. But WHEN IT HAPPENS, IT HAPPENS. I've seen so many of my friends and family members enter into this holiest of unions with the mentality that 'OH, EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING IT'; only to quickly regret the decision they made. They wish they had not succumbed to the peer pressure and, instead, waited for the 'RIGHT ONE'. I choose not to have this idea stuck in my head.

Movin on yet again...After marriage, comes the baby carriage...yes, I would love to have children. Hopefully by the end of this decade. But, you guessed it, WHEN IT HAPPENS, IT HAPPENS. I don't wnat to bring a child into this world, when I'm not ready or because, as i said with the marriage bit, 'EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING IT'. This is probably the one thing I don't want people to pressure me on. I do realize, as I get older, it will probably be harder to have a child physically (esp. after the age of 35-as told me by my ob-gyn, who I went to see a month ago). So, what really irks me, is when people tell me 'WELL YOU BETTER HURRY UP AND HAVE A KID..WHO KNOWS? WHAT IF YOU NEVER HAVE ONE?'. Yeah, I'll punch you in the face if you say that to me. I want to have a child when I'm good and ready (and, call me crazy, I've picked out the names already-for a girl, Gracie Allen-after the late comedienne-she was married to George Burns and they had their own comedy show on CBS in the '50s-yeah, ask your grandma who she is; that or Martha, after my late great-grandma, or Ada Bell-after my late maternal grandmother; For a boy, I'd let the guy responsbile decide but probably force him to put Edward as the middle name-since that's been either the middle or first name of most of the men on my dad's side of the family).

OK, I think I've said enough...did I spill my emotional guts or what on this?

Til next time amigos!

Val (a.k.a. Valsox :)